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Topic: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. (Read 4386 times) |
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nick
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If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« on: Nov 29th, 2004, 2:18am » |
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Who would it be ??
No mad reasons, no politics, nothing over the top, just who would you slap right now. And baz before you put yorself, thats ok we expect that from you as we all know you like it 
Im gonna start with the anyone who doesnt know how to use indicators, especially if they have a blue rinse and a blue mini metro.
Taxi drivers who cant be bothered to get out of the car to knock on a door or ring a bell, oh no, just blast the horn at 2.30 in the morning.
But most of all anyone, and i mean anyone who rings me at mid-day selling some rubbish i do not want and would not buy off them, when im on nightshift.
Over to you..........................................................
Nic
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wumpster
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #1 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 4:53am » |
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All BMW 3 & 5 series owners as they seem to have the god given right to drive like a t**t no using indicators and having to cut you up or having to undertake all the time. they should all be fitted with a sign on the dash in large flashing lights that says use your fu***ng indicators idiot
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daven
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #2 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 8:16am » |
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People who don't indicate on roundabouts.
Motorway middle lane hoggers.
Chavs who don't pay tax or insurance 
Daven
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nick
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #3 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 10:53am » |
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Anyone who drives with their fog lights on when its not foggy, should all be birched
Nic
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Baz
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S Reg. 1998 24v Cosworth S2.9 COS (Deceased)
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #4 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 12:36pm » |
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Ouch, ouch, ouch.....harder, harder, harder.........
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PiercedEllie
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #5 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 12:59pm » |
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Hi
The bloke I overtook on Saturday . The story is this:
I am driving down a 30mph road near us, which is long and straight with those square speed humps. I like to do this road at 35mph (except maybe if I'm late for work  ).
On Saturday, I had our medium sized dog sitting up in the passenger seat (the back is a bit beneath him if there are no other passengers), this means I am driving smoothly as he enjoys travelling and I don't want to change that. I come up behind a man in a big wooly hat in a silver Fiesta who is doing about 25mph. I keep a safe distance behind him, and followed him down the road. Unfortunately, his new fiesta did not seem to like speed humps, and he felt the need to slam on the brakes for them all (bearing in mind he is travelling at 25mph anyway). I allow the van to get a little closer to him as he brakes for the speed humps (not dangerously close as we are moving slower, I need less braking distance ). The fiesta driver puts his hand up between the seats and motions me to back off. I therefore check all is clear, signal and overtake him, upon which he starts flashing (his lights ) and sounding his horn. According to my highway code, you should only do these things to alert other road users to your presence. I knew he was there because I drove round him. I then continued along the road at 35mph as he disappeared in my rear view mirror.
Considering I was in my 1.7 diesel van which does not really go fast, and I do not drive it fast (no ABS, tiny tyres etc) and considering the dog remained in place, you would think he would get the message that it was him driving slowly, not me driving fast. The other car behind us should have also given him a clue.
Do slow drivers not read the highway code and have no observation skills whatsoever? It states that you should look regularly in your rear view mirror and if you are holding up the traffic, to pull over and let them passed. So many drivers drive along with a queue of cars following them, and just ignore them. They definitely deserve a slap.
I just saw how long this is. Oops. Sorry, I'll go and lie down now.
Ellie
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David_South_West
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24V............ .Goodness
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #6 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 1:38pm » |
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I know it's not anything to do with driving but it drives me mad...that's shop assistants and bar staff that carry on a conversation with someone else while they serve me.Don't any of the shops give staff training.
Worst shops Tescos(where the staff talk to each other two or three tills away)Weatherspoons pubs 1 barman actualy stopped on the way carrying my drinks to have a chat with a mate and Asda , the supervisors have a habit of chatting with the person on the till about their last night out while I stand there WAITING TO PAY THEIR BLOODY WAGES.
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waders
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #7 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 1:41pm » |
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Phew,
Prozac anyone!!!
Waders.
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craig
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #8 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 2:54pm » |
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probably NTL,if the thread below this is anything to go by...................
but that would be after i give "freeserve" a bloody good whacking 
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Dave
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Posts: 1984
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #9 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 10:50pm » |
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Hullo all. Ellie's post has just made me think (uh-oh overload!). I've only had the scorpio a few weeks, before that I owned a succession of mark two VW Polo coupes, and also used the family's mark one Punto now and then. I learned a lot when I got my own cars. The mark two Polo has one of the slimmest wheel bases known to man! I could get those things through any gap, it was mad. However drawbacks included not being able to do those centre speed bumps. I mean, I actually couldn't do them. The first polo could go over them, but I had to slow down a lot because the wheels would mount the 45 degree sides.. the second polo was the S model, and was lowered, only by 10mm, which is nothing, but it meant the car scraped over those speedbumps.. it was totally standard! I had to slow down, wait till no one was coming and then position the car right in the middle of the road so the nearside wheels would hit my bump, and the offside wheels would hit the other side's bump. The Polos weighed 760kg and a calm breeze would make them unsteady, and my God how unaerodynamic! Motorway noise was ridiculous.
Anyway.. i'm going to try and salvage a point from all of this. It was a real wake-up call when I lived with that car.. I could go anywhere, but always with caution. Bumps would rock the car to pieces and it didn't even have a servo assist for the brakes. It made me drive like that Fiesta guy, I think.. and It pains me to say it, of course.. A new Fiesta should be able to handle bumps etc but it's still worlds apart from the class, the comfort, the sensible size of the scorpio, and... astra van : ). It's distinction between old and new, and big and small. Small modern cars are hideous things to drive... eek. They're all on stilts! Yaris, punto, polo, agila, micra. Old cars are fine ingredients in our lives but mix them with new traffic at an unfortunate ratio and they're just plain dangerous.. normally because new cars are taken for granted and expectations turn into assumptions and all of a sudden the guy in the C reg sierra is everyone's worst enemy.
Anyway. Next time you see a mark one or two volkswagen golf or polo struggling along at twenty miles an hour, give him a break because he'll be experiencing oil splash back, carb freezing, or fuel pump failure. Or all three. Ahh Good times! : )
DAve
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Richard
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #10 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 2:24am » |
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People who put these long posts on when I realy should be going to bed but am forced to read the bloody things anyway .
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PiercedEllie
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #11 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 4:39pm » |
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Yeah, I think I'd have forgiven him for driving slowly, but the flashing and beeping cos I overtook him was a bit uncalled for. I used to have a nasty 1.2 Renault Clio, and a 1.0 Peugot 106, so I too know about small old cars.
Ellie
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mr._floppy
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #12 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 4:43pm » |
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Oh! it's quite simple, and I'm hoping that none of you Scorpio people out there are guilty of this, or I'll be round with the lads and the baseball bats when you least expect it. things ( and i've toned that down !!) who are not disabled , but park in designated Disabled Parking Areas in supermarkets or general car parking areas ( I'm not disabled , by the way ). I don't care if you are displaying the correct badge in your car , you only use these spaces when you yourself are disabled or when you have a passenger who is disabled, NOT when it is raining or you are too naffing lazy to find a correct parking space. I do find that it is the female of the species who are most guilty of this heinous act.
Oh , yes, all people who drive 4 by 4 monsters in built-up areas should be soundly thrashed ,and forced to drive N reg Austin Metros till they see sense .
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Dave
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #13 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 4:57pm » |
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Lol Ellie yeah.. I think I missed the point a bit, and apologies to all because I forgot that most everyone will have had a crappy car at some stage, so they'll know what it's like.
Old people are bizzare creatures though. We have a pair who live across the road from us.. they think the world owes them something. They'll do anything to take advantage of people and they're so calculating when they do. There are so many people like that.. they think their age excuses them. On the other hand.. most of the elderley are cracking lads. They're pretty funny people. When I grow old, when I make jokes I want to be laughed at for the joke, not because i'm a sweet old fool who says silly things. Maybe that's it.. oppression of the fogies and their resultant contempt for youth. End. D
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craig
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #15 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 5:31pm » |
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mr floppy
a man after my own heart,i'll tell you this little gem (and no this is in no way political or anything like that).....
amanda had to drive to street the other day to go to tesco's,so as i had nothing better to do went along for the ride,when we got there,there was a disabled bay in the car park (and yes i am a blue badge holder),whilst trundling down to pull into the bay,a guy in a VW golf beat us to it,jumped out of the car,just as he was about to run into tesco's my wife pointed out his parking mistake,"i'm in a rush darling,i'll be 5 minutes,only want a packet of fags"
very pi**ed off at this point,so this is what i did,well with the help of my chauffeur ,you know disabled bays are wide,we parked our car behind his,but at a point where our rear wing and back door were stopping him getting out,bollards at the front,scorpio up behind,onwards to tesco to do some shopping,approx 10 mins later our registration number was called out over the tannoy,we ignored this,about 50 minutes later,amanda took a walk outside,and to our horror,our car was clamped,over to customer services we went,and confessed our crime,we were told we had to pay a £35.00 release fee,with this the manager appeared,so we went outside to the scene of the crime,mr VW was giving it the big one,the manager then had a look at my car,ok he said,yes it is parked illegally,but was displaying a blue badge,he asked for an explanation and i told him what i thought,a quick call on the radio,and out came a "man mountain",about 6"6',and i would guess at about 20 stone,but not fat,the very nice man removed the clamp from my car,and was just about to walk away,when the manager told him to clamp the VW,....OMG he went ballistic,manager and the rest of us walked away,i paid for the shopping,and mr VW was last seen at customer service paying to have the clamped removed
the best bit was we were told to move our car "as quickly as possible" by the manager,needless to say,we took our time loading the boot,by now a small crowd had gathered to have the usual "look",and mr VW was getting more angry by the minute.......
did we laugh....oh happy days.....
bo basically this guy's 5 minute stop for a packet of fags,cost him over an hour and a half,and the thick end of £40.00........... 
be warned when parking in somerset,amanda wont take no s**t
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Paul B
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #16 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 6:36pm » |
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AND smoking is bad for you
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Dave
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Tourmallard 24v (ex-owner)
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #17 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 6:41pm » |
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Ha! That's hilarious. Well done Craig and Amanda!
Agreed Paul... it's his own fault!
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Lee
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2.9 12v ultima the mutts
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #18 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 5:35pm » |
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cyclists that ride on the road when there is a cycle path and you have to follow them down the road because you can't get round them, and all you want to do is just tap there rear wheel and knock them out the way, but we never do just moan about them under our breath
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Dave
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Re: If you coluld slap anyone now..............
« Reply #19 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 5:47pm » |
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That's what the 2.9 is for, Lee! Even if a high speed overtake gets nasty at least you'll be able to get away from the police.
Did you know dogs have three eyelids? The third is called 'the third eyelid'.
D
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