Author |
Topic: Problems with broadband???? (Read 788 times) |
|
nick
Guest
|
Thought you might enjoy this, has done the rounds before, but came across it again recently...
This a copy of a complaint letter that was actually received by NTL.
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.
My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat ar*e waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website ... how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testi*les for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The re-scheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived ... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35% these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled boll*ck jugglers.
I have been informed - that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been re-directed to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been re-directed to the irritating Scottish robot woman) ... - and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testi*le-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were sh*t, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bast*rds you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum – incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - w*nkers though they are - Shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.
Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of tw*ts,
|
|
 IP Logged |
|
|
|
waders
Guest
|
 |
Re: Problems with broadband????
« Reply #1 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 1:32pm » |
 Quote  Modify
 Remove
|
Hi  ,
I think we all understand the frustration  of having to deal with large companys when you can only get a "help" line  , but boy this guy needs to start taking the vallium again!!!
 
Waders
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Paul B
Senior Member
'98 24V Ultima saloon
Posts: 2442
|
|
Re: Problems with broadband????
« Reply #2 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 4:43pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Funny though wasn't it? 
Were you the one who sent it Nick?
|
|
IP Logged |
Two hundred & seven horses and only one jockey!
|
|
|
nick
Guest
|
|
Re: Problems with broadband????
« Reply #3 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 9:56pm » |
Quote Modify
Remove
|
Nope I just got emailed it and laughed in my tea this morning
Nic
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
|
Home
Help
Search
Members
Login
Reply
Send Topic
Print