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Topic: Best car web site in the world (Read 1202 times) |
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Jonnycab
Senior Member
Former owner of 2.3 Ultima Facelift saloon
Posts: 3900
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Best car web site in the world
« on: Apr 30th, 2006, 11:55pm » |
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This has got to be the best & most informative vehicle web site that there is.
It is full of enthusiasts who will not only advise you, but will also guide you, & in some circumstancies come to your house & help you.
I recently wrote an E-mail to Haynes enquiring why they never made a manual for the Scorpio...The reply was that there was not enough of these vehicles made to warrant making a book about them.
Without a Haynes manual it is difficult to work on a Scorpio, but this site makes it possible & saves a fortune in mechanic bills (most mechanics don't have a clue anyway about the Scorpio), it reminds me of a recent post when the local garage said "it could be anything"
Great site....keep up the good work admin!!!
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Dave
Senior Member
Tourmallard 24v (ex-owner)
Posts: 1984
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #1 on: May 1st, 2006, 12:05pm » |
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Well said 
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Life after the Scorpio ain't easy..
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Matt
Senior Member
Manual'd and a 4.0 in the making
Posts: 2816
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #2 on: May 1st, 2006, 12:09pm » |
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if a few owners got to gether, bought a scorpio and stripped it fully (engine, box, diff etc...) maybe they could write our own version of the haynes manual ??
just an idea.. 
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FDS2000 Scans - Birmingham
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sector-9
Senior Member
No scorpio anymore
Posts: 1069
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #3 on: May 1st, 2006, 12:44pm » |
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The idea crossed my mind but I don't have the time or space and the car is my only means of transport. Other thing is that on an 11yr old car a lot of bolts and fixing will have rusted in solid so there'd be lots breaking or rounding off which would need time/money to put right.
Of course, if anybody does strip a Scorp down to the bare bodyshell then it'd be fab to have the various stages photographed with things like locations of wiring multiplugs, trim fastners, etc.
Darren
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Matt
Senior Member
Manual'd and a 4.0 in the making
Posts: 2816
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #4 on: May 1st, 2006, 1:10pm » |
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im hoping to be getting a cossie (fingers crossed  ) off bobtheyob and have a garage to store it in (although my cossie fills the garage so much the doors cant be opened  )
so would have to do any stripping exercises out side, i'll have a go tho
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FDS2000 Scans - Birmingham
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Baz
Moderator
Senior Member
S Reg. 1998 24v Cosworth S2.9 COS (Deceased)
Posts: 4009
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #5 on: May 1st, 2006, 5:08pm » |
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Haynes make me laugh....when you consider that the company have made manuals for just about every car there is and have recently they have announced that they are making a manual for the Spitfire!!! and their reason was that a lot more of these aircraft are being restored to flight worthiness!!
Now the big question....are there more airworthy Spitfires left in the world or roadworthy Scorpios?
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sector-9
Senior Member
No scorpio anymore
Posts: 1069
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #6 on: May 1st, 2006, 5:55pm » |
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I dare say the Haynes Spitfire manual will cost a little bit more than those for cars! Potentially they could have done a manual for the Scorpio but they'd have had to charge a lot more than they were (at the time) for other cars to make it profitable with so few in circulation. Would imagine the Spitfire manual isn't going to be less than £100 - but that's a drop in the ocean compared to the cost of buying and restoring a Spit...
Darren
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Bren
Full Member
I claim the 5th amendment officer
Posts: 241
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #7 on: May 1st, 2006, 10:24pm » |
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The site could always licence Haynes to use the info on here, (that's tongue in cheek by the way) but it's probably a lot better from here anyway because when have you ever seen a Haynes with pictures of anything but a brand new vehicle, and the perfect tools. We do our jobs in conditions that are much more realistic and not in a fully equipped workshop.
Never yet read a manual from anywhere that deals with the problem of working on a job that goes wrong at 4.05pm on a Sunday afternoon when everywhere is shut, the car up on blocks, the spare wheel under it you have to be in work at 7 the next morning. AND THEY HAVE GIVEN YOU THE WRONG PART.
Yes we've all been there so let me know if anyone finds that in the troubleshooting section of the manual.
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Vote WHITTINGTON for London Mayor
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sector-9
Senior Member
No scorpio anymore
Posts: 1069
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #8 on: May 1st, 2006, 11:08pm » |
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TBH I don't rate Haynes manuals that much. I think the earlier ones (B&W picture on front cover) went into more detail such as gearbox rebuilds. In fact, at one time they used to proudly proclaim on the front cover "every manual based on a complete stripdown and rebuild" - not any more and it shows!
Darren
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Spannerdemon
Guest
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #10 on: May 2nd, 2006, 8:34am » |
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Well said Darren!!
This site ROCKS !!
The older Haynes Manuals (and I am approaching 60), were really useful. Loads of exploded diagrams, detailed in depth repair information, helpful tips, etc etc.
The new ones are a joke, and seem to be written by 'men in suits' who probably wouldn't be able to find a spark plug under the bonnet, if they knew where the bonnet was in the first place!!
I buy a Manual to do repairs. Not to be told "You would be better trusting this job to a garage"
Here, for you all, is the alternative "Haynes"
HAYNES MANUALS
For all those aspiring car mechanics out there, this is a selection
of translated phrases from the Haynes Manual. Does any of this sound
familiar?
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly and vigorously with hammer
in the anticlockwise direction.
Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles on both hands, and you’ll probably get a hernia.
Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Well, we did warn you. How did we know you didn’t have a gorilla to remove it.
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read the instructions. Move to Chapter 7:13
Now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox…serves you bloody right!
Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (industrial size). And lots of bandages.
Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: Aahhhhh!! So THAT’S what just hit the lawnmower!!
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK – that’s the glass bit off, now fetch some good
pliers to dig out that pesky bayonet bit.
Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!
Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to
botch it up?
Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a
low, tiny number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a
map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use
to you). But you’ve already started haven’t you? Tough.
Haynes: Three spanner rating.
Translation: Too much for you. Take it to a dealer.
Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You are seriously considering trying this aren't you !!!
Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride in it afterwards!!!
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear
at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the
garage for it whilst muttering "b*gger" repeatedly under your
breath. Then go get your fat neighbour.
Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are
looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep,
as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!
Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to disable yourself!
Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of heavy rust.
Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Pretend to know what you’re doing, and work like a thingy in front of someone you
know.
Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs
removed.
Translation: See Chapter 3:15 Removing your engine from the vehicle.
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: You mean I need to louse up the new bits as I replace them too?
Haynes: Pry away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...Shear…Break…
Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: The contents of Two AA vans, a garage, and a specialist tool warehouse.
Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate
heat. Try not to use your blowtorch near fuel lines unless you want to play the big part in Mission Impossible!
Haynes: Remove the interior door panel...
Translation: Remove the skin from all knuckles, snap half the
plastic retaining clips, lose the little metal clippy thing that
holds the window winder in place...damage the hardboard panel, and make sure the window glass drops off it’s runners into the door cavity.
Haynes: This is a job we recommend you trust to your dealer.
Translation: You’re too ******* stupid to do it. Idiot!
Haynes: Make sure that the vehicle doesn’t pull to one side when braking.
Translation: You’ve left your jack under the car.
Haynes: Fault Finding;
Battery won’t hold it’s charge for more than a few hours It’s f***ed!
Engine rotates but will not start Try putting the spark plugs back
Difficulty engaging gears Mmmm. That bit you had left over perhaps?
Instrument readings inaccurate Cables dragging on the road
Engine runs on after switching off Chase it! Hurry Now!
Clicking or knocking when turning. Squirrel trapped in brake disc cover
Excessive fuel consumption Some **** has siphoned your tank
Wheel wobble and Vibration Fit tyres.
Horn Inoperative Wind window down. Shout abuse instead.
No charge Thanks!!
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nuttyscorp
Full Member
1998 (R) 2.3 ultima
Posts: 515
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #11 on: May 2nd, 2006, 2:06pm » |
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lmfao, excellent ,.......and so true!
Russ
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project car :- "84" mk2 granada 2.8i ghia X TURBO (rs 500 box)
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Octavian_P
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1126
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #12 on: May 2nd, 2006, 9:11pm » |
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on May 1st, 2006, 11:27pm, Kjetil S wrote:Okay, here's a scary thing about haynes. They state on their page (www.haynes.com) that "Every manual is based on a teardown and rebuild(...)", and then they made THIS  |
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They state that:
decide when and how to start
keep your cool in the delivery room
maintain baby's bodywork in optimum condition
prevent corrosion of vital parts
understand the on-board diagnostic system
decide when to call in professional assistance
Please note: no babies were stripped down in the preparation of The Baby Manual.
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2.0 16V Ultima|2.3 16V Ghia|2.9 24V Cosworth Ghia
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Jonnycab
Senior Member
Former owner of 2.3 Ultima Facelift saloon
Posts: 3900
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Re: Best car web site in the world
« Reply #14 on: May 3rd, 2006, 12:35am » |
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Spannerdemon....you had me in stitches....it's so true.....you could use that in a stand-up comedy sketch if enough people knew what you were talking about.
I would also add that this could be the most sarcastic & witty car web site that there is.
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