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Topic: Jokes (Read 673 times) |
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Jonnycab
Senior Member
Former owner of 2.3 Ultima Facelift saloon
Posts: 3900
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What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?.....Phillipe Phillop.
A bloke walking in the park notices a drunk sitting on a bench drinking brake fluid. He runs over & says "you can't drink that, it'll kill you !"...the drunk replies..."don't worry about me, I can stop any time I want!!".
Knock..Knock....Who's there....Bigish....Bigish-who....not today thanks 
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cossie_al
Full Member
Ex 24v
Posts: 902
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Re: Jokes
« Reply #2 on: May 30th, 2006, 11:12pm » |
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lol
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Jonnycab
Senior Member
Former owner of 2.3 Ultima Facelift saloon
Posts: 3900
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Re: Jokes
« Reply #3 on: May 31st, 2006, 12:00am » |
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A bloke walks into a pub & goes up to the bar. Whilst waiting to be served he notices a drunk sitting at the bar with a dog at his feet.
"Does your dog bite" the bloke asks
"No" the drunk replies
So he bends down to stroke the dog & it bites him.
"I thought you said your dog doesn't bite"
The drunk replies "Thats not my dog".
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Jonnycab
Senior Member
Former owner of 2.3 Ultima Facelift saloon
Posts: 3900
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Re: Jokes
« Reply #5 on: May 31st, 2006, 1:29am » |
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A keen golfer is asked by his wife if she can come along & have a round. He is a bit hesitant, but eventually agrees.
On her first shot she hits the ball sideways & it goes straight through the window of a house.
The husband says "Now look what you've done....I'm going to have to go over & pay for the damage"
They walk over to the house & knock.......there is no answer........so they push the door & it opens....
They walk into the front room & see the golf ball on the floor, a smashed vase, & a funny dressed man sitting in an armchair.
"I'm really sorry about the vase" the golfer says " we will pay for any damage".
" That's okay" says the man " you've done me a big favour...I'm a Genie & i've been stuck in that vase for a thousand years....& you've let me free. I can now grant you two wishes & grant myself a wish".
" What do you wish for?" asks the genie.
The golfer says "I'd like a brand new Aston Martin"
The genie waves his hand & says " It is waiting in the car park for you".
The wife says " I'd like a six bedroom house with an inside swimming pool"
The genie waves his hand & says " Your new Aston Martin will drive you to your new home"
"Great" says the golfer..."but what is your wish genie?"
"Well... I've been in that vase for a thousand years, so obviously I havn't seen a woman for a thousand years & I'm getting pretty desperate , your wife looks pretty hot....what about it? just ten minutes!!
The golfer & his wife look at each other & agree that the genie has given them all they ever wanted & quick shag wouldn't be to bad....
"Okay" says the golfer.
The genie takes the wife upstairs & has his wicked way with her for two hours.
After they have finished & the wife is completely exhausted the genie asks the wife, " how old are you & your husband ?"
"I'm 35 & my husband is 36"
"what....& you still believe in Genies?"..........
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Octavian_P
Senior Member
 
Posts: 1126
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Re: Jokes
« Reply #7 on: May 31st, 2006, 7:24pm » |
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2.0 16V Ultima|2.3 16V Ghia|2.9 24V Cosworth Ghia
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Jonnycab
Senior Member
Former owner of 2.3 Ultima Facelift saloon
Posts: 3900
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Re: Jokes
« Reply #8 on: Aug 20th, 2006, 1:35am » |
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Two dyslexic's in a car.......one says to the other.......
"Can you smell petrol"
"Smell petrol..!!!....I can't even smell my own name"
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