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Topic: Showering (Read 680 times) |
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Highlander
Moderator
Expert
13 Scorpios, XR4x4, Suzuki SJ413 for off road :)
 
Posts: 8244
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How to shower like a woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket
according to whites and coloureds.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to
do more sit-ups.
Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,
wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.
Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with
natural
avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until
red
Wash entire rest of body with ginger-nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray
mould spots with Flash.
Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap
hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If
you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.
How to shower like a man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed leave in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom if you see wife along the way - shake
k**b at her making woo-hoo sound.
Look at manly physique in the mirror, admire size of k**b and
scratch your ass.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and
let the water rinse it off.
Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash
your bum, leaving four pubes stuck on the soap.
Shampoo hair. Make shampoo mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of the shower. Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on the floor. Admire k**b size in mirror
again. Leave shower door open, leave wet mat on the floor, leave light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull
off towel, shake k**b at her and make woo-hoo noise. Again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
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on Oct 17th, 2011, 12:35pm, Simmo wrote:I give up !  Too much for an old boy!  |
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PJDavis
Senior Member
2 x 1995 Jag X300 3.2 / 4.0 (Henley) 1957 XK140
Posts: 1474
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Re: Showering
« Reply #1 on: May 20th, 2011, 2:01pm » |
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Yep, that's about right!  Except the Gal covering exposed bits, I always chase after her trying to pull the garment off!
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I love 'Movvy'
1995 Jaguar XJ6 X300 3.2 (Henley)
1995 Jaguar XJ6 X330 4.0 (Dopey)
1957 Jaguar XK140 USA (converted to RHD, and to have fitted Mk10 420G Engine with BW 65 Auto Trans)
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Mike H
Senior Member
Renault Clio
Posts: 2594
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Re: Showering
« Reply #2 on: May 20th, 2011, 4:25pm » |
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Quote:Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse it off.
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So that's what I'm doing wrong
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Mike H
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leewar
Senior Member
I'm a YaBB newbie!
Posts: 1504
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Re: Showering
« Reply #3 on: May 20th, 2011, 5:34pm » |
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And I shook your hands recently 
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gozz
Senior Member
Been around awhile
Posts: 3475
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Re: Showering
« Reply #4 on: May 20th, 2011, 7:53pm » |
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Never mind his hands,it's his John Thomas I wouldn't be shakin !!
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Mike H
Senior Member
Renault Clio
Posts: 2594
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Re: Showering
« Reply #5 on: May 20th, 2011, 8:42pm » |
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Mike H
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pauldo
Newbie
1998 GREEN 2.3 ULTIMA SALOON
Posts: 32
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Re: Showering
« Reply #6 on: May 20th, 2011, 9:44pm » |
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havent laughed so much for ages but the sad part is its all true
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The road to Hell is paved with good intentions
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