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Topic: A little Story Pt1 (Read 983 times) |
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PJDavis
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2 x 1995 Jag X300 3.2 / 4.0 (Henley) 1957 XK140
 
Posts: 1474
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A little Story Pt1
« on: May 29th, 2012, 2:52pm » |
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I'll have to submit the message in two episodes, this happened a good few weeks ago now, my intention is not to offend anyone, it was just something that I found very funny. Read it to the end, and the next bit to get the full 'flavour'!
A couple of weeks ago during the weekend I drove a large coach as a support vehicle for the MacMillan Cancer 'Walk across Scotland'. It's a weekend event where all-sorts of people do a sponsored walk from Ullapool to Bonar-Bridge. It's not for the 'faint-hearted', it's a two-day event with 15 miles the first day over a fairly easily defined path and then tarmac, then on the second day a 22 mile trek over quite rough terrain. We get walkers, disabled horse riders, and quite a lot of MTB riders. The support vehicles are supplied full of fuel from various local companies, and the drivers are voluntary. I did the walk a few times many years ago, and also cycled it which I thought was harder! I got involved in support because I have an HGV and PSV licence (Stuff I did for a laugh more than 20 years ago) and a good friend of mine Gordon Milne, (A retired GP that has a couple of old cars I service) asked me if I would drive one of the coaches if I wasn't going to take-part in the event. There's normally around 120 people do the event, so there's one coach and a few mini-buses, there's another chap that sometimes drives the coach, a retired Optician Iain Andrew, along with one other support driver Tim Griffiths. Anyways, The walk is done in Two halfs as I said, so there's a stop-over at Ullapool on the Saturday night however, after taking all those that go to Ullapool for the night, I take the coach back around to a wee place really in the middle of nowhere called Lubachoinnich, (Google-map it). The start on the Sunday is from Ullapool, so the Coach is only needed for pick-up at Lubachoinnich and people don't normally arrive until about mid-day. I get a good sleep on the Saturday night in the luggage compartment of the coach below the floor, I put a Tarp' down and just a Lilo with a sleeping bag on top. It's great because the coach has a 'VanHool' underfloor engine, so the luggage compartment stays warm most of the night! (You've just got to remember not to sit-up quickly in the night!) Now then to go back a bit, it's an early start on the Saturday morning (the first day) because everyone has to be at Bonar-Bridge for 9am, it takes 2 hours to get there from Elgin, and I've got to do a good few 'round-about' pick-ups first, now this knocks my morning Crap off sequence! Also, I'm not that keen on using 'public-lavatories' even if I could have found one on the way to Bonar-Bridge! I'd prefer in fact to just have a 'Country-Crap'. So for most of Saturday, I was 'Baking' a bewty up my erse! On the Saturday evening when I finally get back to Lubachoinnich, I cook-up my grub and sit and have a couple of bottles of wine in the peace and quite of the countryside. By this time I had completely forgotten that I had needed a Crap! After a comfortable warm night sleeping, I woke up early with an inkling! Now there's a river close by, and this is perfect for an 'Off-Load' I had no bog-roll, but this didn't matter because I had a 'flannel' to wash my arse with after the act. So down to the river, and what a relief! All cleaned up and ready for breakfast on a lovely sunny day!
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I love 'Movvy'
1995 Jaguar XJ6 X300 3.2 (Henley)
1995 Jaguar XJ6 X330 4.0 (Dopey)
1957 Jaguar XK140 USA (converted to RHD, and to have fitted Mk10 420G Engine with BW 65 Auto Trans)
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PJDavis
Senior Member
2 x 1995 Jag X300 3.2 / 4.0 (Henley) 1957 XK140
Posts: 1474
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Re: A little Story Pt1
« Reply #1 on: May 29th, 2012, 2:53pm » |
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PART 2
Now, unbeknown to me, it was Gordon and Iain's intention to do a bit of fishing after they had got back around to Lubachoinnich in the late morning. I was sitting by the coach having a cuppy of tea when the first of the MTB-ers were starting to arrive, soon after Gordon and Iain arrived from the track side and started to get their fishing gear sorted. It wasn't long after that the best of the walkers started to arrive and that's when Iain and Gordon were coming back from the river from fishing, they'd caught a couple of trout and seemed pleased enough except.....................Iain had stood in what he thought was a dogs-Crap!!!!!! The conversation that I heard went something like this:- Remember Iain is a retired optician, and Gordon is a retired GP.
Iain.........."Do any of the walkers have a dog?"
Gordon......"I'm telling you Iain, that is a human Turd you stepped in, are you blind for christ-sakes?"
Iain.........."I just can't believe someone could do as much Crap as that in one go, and it's fudging stinking!"
Gordon......"I grant you there was an inordinate amount of the filth, but I'm a Doctor, I know a human Turd when I see it!"
Ian..........."must have been one of the early cyclists, mind-you I'm not surprised after that dreadful breakfast at the hotel, it must have been quite an uncomfortable ride for the poor chap sitting on that load...............Ahhhh, Peter, (me) you didn't see any of the cyclists go down to the river for any reason did you?"
Peter (me) "Aye, I think I saw a couple of them go down for a pish"
Gordon......."well, there's your answer Iain, one of those dirty bar-stewards let that load go, although scientifically speaking, it would be interesting to know if that much Crap comes out of him on a regular basis!"
I promise you that was almost exactly word for word, Gordon is a typical old-fashioned GP, full of questions and analysis. I spent the rest of the day chuckling now and then, Gordon did notice once or twice my little chuckles, and on one occasion asked, "what are you giggling at you imbecile?" I said I was laughing at Iain having stood in Crap, in an attempt to draw him out into conversation about his thoughts on the matter, to fuel my laughter, and try to find out if it was the biggest 'Turd' he had knowledge of. But he wouldn't be drawn, and just smiled and said he thought it funny.
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I love 'Movvy'
1995 Jaguar XJ6 X300 3.2 (Henley)
1995 Jaguar XJ6 X330 4.0 (Dopey)
1957 Jaguar XK140 USA (converted to RHD, and to have fitted Mk10 420G Engine with BW 65 Auto Trans)
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Jeff
Full Member
I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
Posts: 359
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Re: A little Story Pt1
« Reply #2 on: May 29th, 2012, 7:47pm » |
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You should have stuck a flag in it for the jubilee!
Oops, sorry...Jubilee. Beg pard Ma'm.
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2.9 Cosworth saloon and 2.3 saloon
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rich1
Full Member
london cabbies have the knowledge!!
Posts: 747
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Re: A little Story Pt1
« Reply #3 on: Jun 2nd, 2012, 11:34am » |
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That was too funny, almost dropped my blackberry from laughing. Absolutely priceless. Cheers pj 
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