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        General >> Off Topic Subjects >> north verses south
        
(Message started by: geordievin on Nov 6^th, 2004, 4:43pm)

Title: north verses south
Post by geordievin on Nov 6^th, 2004, 4:43pm

The Fahrenheit Temperature Scale

50 degrees: Southerners turn on their heating. People in Newcastle plant
their gardens

40 degrees: Southerners shiver uncontrollably. People in Newcastle sunbathe

35 degrees: Southern cars will not start. People in Newcastle drive with the
windows down

20 degrees: Southerners wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in
Newcastle throw on a t-shirt. (Girls wear mini-skirts)

15 degrees: Southerners begin to evacuate. People in Newcastle go swimming
in the North Sea.

ZERO degrees: Southern landlords turn up the heat. People in Newcastle have
the last barbeque before it gets cold

MINUS 10: Southerners cease to exist. People in Newcastle throw on a
lightweight jacket.

MINUS 80: Polar bears wonder if it's worth it. Boy scouts in Newcastle start
wearing long trousers.

MINUS 100: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Newcastle put on
their long johns

MINUS 173: Alcohol freezes. People in Newcastle become frustrated because
the pubs are shut.

MINUS 297: Microbial life starts to disappear. The cows on Newcastle Town
Moor complain of vets with cold hands.

MINUS 460: All atomic motion stops. People in Newcastle start to stamp their
feet and blow on their hands.

MINUS 500: Hell freezes over. Sunderland qualify for Europe.
;D ;D ;D

Vinny

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by nick on Nov 6^th, 2004, 7:08pm

aahhhh well, you join a forum 3 years ago, all going along nicely, then someone in New*!@)le goes out, robs a couple of post offices, mugs a few old ladies, sells the yellow vauxhall nova, with the desirable 1.0l engine and the 20p bodykit and decides to buy a proper car, then find a forum and starts to take the mick out of Sunderland footy fans.
Bless them all, dont worry your scorp will play up and then you will have a proper hobby.

By the way, I want a new law brought out,
If we stop all prostitutes having babies, we wouldnt have any more Newcastle fans.

Still dont worry, looking at the attendences for this weeks games in Europe, I see a small town in Yorkshire had a bigger crowd than the one at St hotch potch park.

Back to not being the North Easts top dogs then, oh and dont worry I am a season ticket holder at or so caled Stadium of S**te, we ar crap and we know we are, but you lot are crap but think your a BIG club. Only big clubs win things, still heres to another half century of underacheiving eh.

Oh yes before you tell me i know we got beat by lowly Milwall, I was there.

Nic
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by bertie on Nov 6^th, 2004, 7:30pm

Nick, where's Newcastle? ....... ah yes I know....it's over the Tyne Bridge and turn left after the well of despair and the twoc'd cars....that place where they are all fur coat and no knickers......Christ, I used to work in Eldon Square...wot a Sh't hole....full of students and retards...sorry Newcastle fans......I ran a stationery store and was always being robbed by the thieving kids.....infact, do not use hand signals when driving, because when you stick your arm out the window, they steal your watch.......

anyway back to civilation....I do not support footy more motor racing so I cannot pass judgement on teams...just cities...

happy motoring

simon

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by Lee on Nov 6^th, 2004, 7:36pm

i'm with you on the motor racing there .. trouble with football it's over priced and over here :'(
Lee

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by Geoff_W on Nov 6^th, 2004, 9:48pm

There were only six of us Nick ;D

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by Vulcan on Nov 7^th, 2004, 1:42am

Newcastle is my home town... I love the place and hate it at the same time.
Take a walk down on the Quayside at night and tell me it ain't lovely in it's own way.
The place is steeped in history .. over 900 years old in places....
My home.. my town....

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by nick on Nov 7^th, 2004, 12:06pm

I would never walk down the quayside, especially on a weekend, not my type of place.
I have worked in Newcastle for over 10 years, i know exactly what the place is like.

Nic

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by bertie on Nov 7^th, 2004, 3:15pm

hhmmmm Vulcan's got a point there......

the Quay is lovely at night, a lot of money has been spent doing up the place and I must it was well spent!

Mind, drinks are expensive there but you will find a better class of rif raf there....

Simon

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by Snoopy on Nov 8^th, 2004, 7:55am

and I was thinking of coming for a visit sometime... is it really that bad.. Looks good on TV but places always do.

Have to think again!

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by Vulcan on Nov 8^th, 2004, 8:28am

In all honesty Newcastle is no worse than any other big City. Same as everywhere there are places you wouldn't go alone after dark but the City itself is quite old a beautiful in parts.

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by geordievin on Nov 8^th, 2004, 2:34pm

Hey up, what reaction!
Only posted because I thought it was funny and most of it true really. Same old Makems still can't take a bit of banter though.
Have to say I don't live up there anymore but still get back once a week. Whats been said is true though stay out of the nuts parts and its a fantastic place and a fantastic night out, I've got loads of lads down here to vouch for that.

Vinny

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by john.n on Nov 12^th, 2004, 7:43am

I cant understand this North/South thing. People are people wherever you go, some are s@*ts and some are not. I am a Southern softie and sold my last Scorp to a hard Northerner and we both got on really well. I think Vulcan will agree with me. Ps. No-one talks about the East/ West. Right got that off my chest, now going out to have a row with the foriegner next door! ;D ::) john.n

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by darton on Nov 12^th, 2004, 10:44pm

Well said mate!
Were all one nation!
(apart from the welsh!)

Come on then! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
(Judging by the amount of smileys,you've got to know it's a joke?)

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by john.n on Nov 17^th, 2004, 7:45am

Ouch! My wifes Welsh. I guess that makes me super-tolerant!! john.n ;D And no she is,nt a sheep!!!

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by wumpster on Nov 17^th, 2004, 11:42pm

dont mater where you live every town /city has its share of stupid tits ;D

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by stevelufc on Nov 21^st, 2004, 6:22pm

I am a northener living in the south, a friend gave me this to help with conversation with the locals. hope this helps when visiting the sunny south
A -Z of Essex English:

ASSA COMMONS - Our Parliament Building.

ART ATTACK - Extremely perturbed, as in "Don't tell Sharon, She'll have
an art attack."

ARST - Past tense of ask. "Jordan, I must've arst ya free fazzund times
to clear up yer room."

BANNSA - A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a
club. "Dave's got izself a job as a bannsa."

BANTY - A chocolate and coconut snack bar.

BAVE - To wash oneself.

BOAF - The two. "Oi Dave, ooja fancy most, Sharon or Tracy?" "Boaf" is
the reply.

BRANSATCH - Motor racing circuit in Kent.

CANCEL - Administrative body of a town. "Darren, wive ad annuvva letter
from the cancel."

CANTAFIT - Fake, as in money.

CHOONA - An edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with
mayonnaise.

CORT A PANDA - A big hamburger (smaller than an arf panda)

DAN TO URF - Sensible, practical.

DANNING STREET - Where the Prime Minister lives.

DANSTEZ - On the ground floor , where the biggest telly is.

DREKKUN - Do you consider? as in "Which dog drekkun'll win the next
race?"

EFTY - Considerable. "Ere, Trace, this credit card bill's a bit efty."

EJOG - A small, spiky animal (hedgehog).

ERZ - Belonging to her.

EVVY - A big geezer who protects a smaller and more intelligent geezer,
usually for money. "My name's Frank and this is my evvy, Knuckles."

EYEBROW - Cultured, intellectual.

FANTIN - A jet of water for drinking or ornament.

FARVA - A posh way of saying Dad.

FATCHA - Margaret, British Prime Minister 1979 - 1990.

FINGY - A person or object whose name doesn't come to mind. "I ad it
off wiv fingy last night."

FONG - Skimpy undergarment.

FOR CRYIN AT LAAD - Mild expletive showing annoyance or surprise. E.G.
"For cryin at lad, Britney, if I say Yes will you give it a rest?"

GAWON - Go on. "Gawon Darren, eat ya granny's cabbage, it'll do yer
good."

GIVE IT LARGE - To be thorough or enthusiastic.

GRAND - A football stadium. "It all wennoff atside the pub near the
grand."

HAITCH - Letter of the alphabet between G and I.

IBEEFA - The Spanish holiday island.

IFFY - Dubious. "Ere, Trace, I fink this bread pudding you made last
munf's a bit iffy."

INT - Indirect suggestion. " I gave Darren a sort of int that it was
time to wash iz feet."

IPS - An unknown area of a woman's body to which chocolate travels.
"That Mars Bar will go straight to me ips."

JA - Do you, did you. "Ja like me new airdo, Sharon."

JACKS - Five Pound note. "Lend us a jacks, wilya?"

JAFTA - Is it really necessary? "Oi mate, jafta keep doing that?"

KAF - Eating house open during the day.

KAFFY - A girl's name.

LAD - Noisy. "Jordan, turn that music dan, it's too lad."

LARJ - Enjoying oneself.

LEVVA - Material made from the skin of an animal.

LOTREE - Costs £1 for a ticket.

MA BLARCH - An arch near Hyde Park.

MAFFS - The study of numbers.

MANOR - Local area.

MINGER - An unattractive person (usually woman).

NARRA - Lacking breadth, with little margin. "Mum wannid to come rand
but changed er mind. That was a narra escape."

NARTAMEAN - Do you know what I mean? (sometimes used as janartamean).

NEEVA - Not one nor the other.

NES - National Elf Service.

OAF - A solemn declaration of truth or committment.

OLLADAY - Time taken away from home for rest and adventure.

ONNIST - Fair and just, without a lie. "I never did it, onnist."

OPPIT - Go away , as in "Oi you, oppit."

PADDA PUFF - Soft, lacking aggression. "They're alright up front but
they got a padda puff defence."

PACIFIC - Specific.

PAFFUL - Having much power or strength.

PAIPA - Sun, Mirror etc.

PANS AN ANNSIS - Imperial weight system.

PLAMMANS - A pub lunch usually made up of cheese and bread.

QUALIDEE - Good, as in "West 'Am's new striker's qualidee."

RAND - A number of drinks purchased for a group.

RANDEER - Locally. "There ain't much call for it randeer."

REBAND - Period of recovery after rejection by a lover. "I couldn't
'elp it. I was on the reband from Craig."

ROOFLESS - Without compassion.

SAFF - A direction of the compass, opposite north.

SAFFEND - An Essex seaside town.

SAWTED - Done, arranged, resolved.

SEEVIN - Very angry. "I woz seevin when I urd wot 'e sed."

TALENT - Attractive members of the opposite sex. "Dave's gan dan tan to
eye up the talent."

TAN ASS - A modern terraced house.

TOP EVVY - A woman of plentiful bosom. "Ere look at that, Darren, she's
well top evvy."

UG - An unattractive person. "Sharon's new geezer's a bit of an ug."

UMP - Upset, as in Got the Ump.

VACHER - A document which can be exchanged for goods or services. "I
got a vacher to get in cheap at Forp Park."

WANNED UP - Tense. "I'm all wanned up at the moment."

WAWAZUT? - I beg your pardon.

WENNOFF - A fight commenced as in "It all wennoff".

YAFTA - You must : "Even if yer guilty, yafta av mitigating
circumstances."

YOOF OSTALL - A place where holidaymakers can stay the night.

ZAGGERATE - To suggest something is better or bigger than is true.
"Craig, I must've told ya a fazzund times already." "Don't zaggerate,
mum." ;D ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by Geoff_W on Nov 22^nd, 2004, 12:01pm

Eyeup Steve, tha noes thaas a reet proper chap for spillin t mushy peas.

Ist tha doin Missionary work darn theyr then?

;D

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by craig on Nov 22^nd, 2004, 2:36pm

i take it the "craig" in question is purely coincidental ... ;)

made me laugh though.... ;D ;D ;D
sorry "laff" ;)

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by stevelufc on Nov 22^nd, 2004, 10:01pm

my wife and boys are from down here, they are constantly taking the micky about my accent so i thought i'd get my own back. just a larrf and not aimed at craig or sharron, tracy,kylie or anybody. there is no north south divide just scorpio owners and those without taste.

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by wumpster on Nov 22^nd, 2004, 10:11pm

you wana come to northwich loads of southerners here think they are all moving north lmao ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: north verses south
Post by john.n on Nov 23^rd, 2004, 7:37am

Nice to see you have a sense of humour Steve. Must have taken ages to work all that lot out though, and in alfa betty cull order!! well dun! john.n ;)