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Title: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by nick on Nov 29th, 2004, 2:18am Who would it be????? No mad reasons, no politics, nothing over the top, just who would you slap right now. And baz before you put yorself, thats ok we expect that from you as we all know you like it ;D Im gonna start with the anyone who doesnt know how to use indicators, especially if they have a blue rinse and a blue mini metro. Taxi drivers who cant be bothered to get out of the car to knock on a door or ring a bell, oh no, just blast the horn at 2.30 in the morning. But most of all anyone, and i mean anyone who rings me at mid-day selling some rubbish i do not want and would not buy off them, when im on nightshift. Over to you.......................................................... Nic |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by wumpster on Nov 29th, 2004, 4:53am All BMW 3 & 5 series owners as they seem to have the god given right to drive like a t**t no using indicators and having to cut you up or having to undertake all the time. they should all be fitted with a sign on the dash in large flashing lights that says use your fu***ng indicators idiot ;D |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by daven on Nov 29th, 2004, 8:16am People who don't indicate on roundabouts. Motorway middle lane hoggers. Chavs who don't pay tax or insurance >:( Daven |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by nick on Nov 29th, 2004, 10:53am Anyone who drives with their fog lights on when its not foggy, should all be birched Nic |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Baz on Nov 29th, 2004, 12:36pm Ouch, ouch, ouch.....harder, harder, harder......... |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by PiercedEllie on Nov 29th, 2004, 12:59pm Hi The bloke I overtook on Saturday >:(. The story is this: I am driving down a 30mph road near us, which is long and straight with those square speed humps. I like to do this road at 35mph (except maybe if I'm late for work :P). On Saturday, I had our medium sized dog sitting up in the passenger seat (the back is a bit beneath him if there are no other passengers), this means I am driving smoothly as he enjoys travelling and I don't want to change that. I come up behind a man in a big wooly hat in a silver Fiesta who is doing about 25mph. I keep a safe distance behind him, and followed him down the road. Unfortunately, his new fiesta did not seem to like speed humps, and he felt the need to slam on the brakes for them all (bearing in mind he is travelling at 25mph anyway). I allow the van to get a little closer to him as he brakes for the speed humps (not dangerously close as we are moving slower, I need less braking distance :P). The fiesta driver puts his hand up between the seats and motions me to back off. I therefore check all is clear, signal and overtake him, upon which he starts flashing (his lights :P) and sounding his horn. According to my highway code, you should only do these things to alert other road users to your presence. I knew he was there because I drove round him. I then continued along the road at 35mph as he disappeared in my rear view mirror. Considering I was in my 1.7 diesel van which does not really go fast, and I do not drive it fast (no ABS, tiny tyres etc) and considering the dog remained in place, you would think he would get the message that it was him driving slowly, not me driving fast. The other car behind us should have also given him a clue. Do slow drivers not read the highway code and have no observation skills whatsoever? It states that you should look regularly in your rear view mirror and if you are holding up the traffic, to pull over and let them passed. So many drivers drive along with a queue of cars following them, and just ignore them. They definitely deserve a slap. >:( I just saw how long this is. Oops. Sorry, I'll go and lie down now. ;D Ellie |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by David_South_West on Nov 29th, 2004, 1:38pm I know it's not anything to do with driving but it drives me mad...that's shop assistants and bar staff that carry on a conversation with someone else while they serve me.Don't any of the shops give staff training. Worst shops Tescos(where the staff talk to each other two or three tills away)Weatherspoons pubs 1 barman actualy stopped on the way carrying my drinks to have a chat with a mate and Asda , the supervisors have a habit of chatting with the person on the till about their last night out while I stand there WAITING TO PAY THEIR BLOODY WAGES. |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by waders on Nov 29th, 2004, 1:41pm Phew, Prozac anyone!!! 8) ;D 8) ;D 8) Waders. |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by craig on Nov 29th, 2004, 2:54pm probably NTL,if the thread below this is anything to go by................... ;D ;D but that would be after i give "freeserve" a bloody good whacking ;) ;) ;) |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Dave on Nov 29th, 2004, 10:50pm Hullo all. Ellie's post has just made me think (uh-oh overload!). I've only had the scorpio a few weeks, before that I owned a succession of mark two VW Polo coupes, and also used the family's mark one Punto now and then. I learned a lot when I got my own cars. The mark two Polo has one of the slimmest wheel bases known to man! I could get those things through any gap, it was mad. However drawbacks included not being able to do those centre speed bumps. I mean, I actually couldn't do them. The first polo could go over them, but I had to slow down a lot because the wheels would mount the 45 degree sides.. the second polo was the S model, and was lowered, only by 10mm, which is nothing, but it meant the car scraped over those speedbumps.. it was totally standard! I had to slow down, wait till no one was coming and then position the car right in the middle of the road so the nearside wheels would hit my bump, and the offside wheels would hit the other side's bump. The Polos weighed 760kg and a calm breeze would make them unsteady, and my God how unaerodynamic! Motorway noise was ridiculous. Anyway.. i'm going to try and salvage a point from all of this. It was a real wake-up call when I lived with that car.. I could go anywhere, but always with caution. Bumps would rock the car to pieces and it didn't even have a servo assist for the brakes. It made me drive like that Fiesta guy, I think.. and It pains me to say it, of course.. A new Fiesta should be able to handle bumps etc but it's still worlds apart from the class, the comfort, the sensible size of the scorpio, and... astra van : ). It's distinction between old and new, and big and small. Small modern cars are hideous things to drive... eek. They're all on stilts! Yaris, punto, polo, agila, micra. Old cars are fine ingredients in our lives but mix them with new traffic at an unfortunate ratio and they're just plain dangerous.. normally because new cars are taken for granted and expectations turn into assumptions and all of a sudden the guy in the C reg sierra is everyone's worst enemy. Anyway. Next time you see a mark one or two volkswagen golf or polo struggling along at twenty miles an hour, give him a break because he'll be experiencing oil splash back, carb freezing, or fuel pump failure. Or all three. Ahh Good times! : ) DAve |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Richard on Nov 30th, 2004, 2:24am People who put these long posts on when I realy should be going to bed but am forced to read the bloody things anyway ;D ;). |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by PiercedEllie on Nov 30th, 2004, 4:39pm Yeah, I think I'd have forgiven him for driving slowly, but the flashing and beeping cos I overtook him was a bit uncalled for. I used to have a nasty 1.2 Renault Clio, and a 1.0 Peugot 106, so I too know about small old cars. Ellie ;D |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by mr._floppy on Nov 30th, 2004, 4:43pm Oh! it's quite simple, and I'm hoping that none of you Scorpio people out there are guilty of this, or I'll be round with the lads and the baseball bats when you least expect it. things ( and i've toned that down !!) who are not disabled , but park in designated Disabled Parking Areas in supermarkets or general car parking areas ( I'm not disabled , by the way ). I don't care if you are displaying the correct badge in your car , you only use these spaces when you yourself are disabled or when you have a passenger who is disabled, NOT when it is raining or you are too naffing lazy to find a correct parking space. I do find that it is the female of the species who are most guilty of this heinous act. Oh , yes, all people who drive 4 by 4 monsters in built-up areas should be soundly thrashed ,and forced to drive N reg Austin Metros till they see sense . |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Dave on Nov 30th, 2004, 4:57pm Lol Ellie yeah.. I think I missed the point a bit, and apologies to all because I forgot that most everyone will have had a crappy car at some stage, so they'll know what it's like. Old people are bizzare creatures though. We have a pair who live across the road from us.. they think the world owes them something. They'll do anything to take advantage of people and they're so calculating when they do. There are so many people like that.. they think their age excuses them. On the other hand.. most of the elderley are cracking lads. They're pretty funny people. When I grow old, when I make jokes I want to be laughed at for the joke, not because i'm a sweet old fool who says silly things. Maybe that's it.. oppression of the fogies and their resultant contempt for youth. End. D |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by waders on Nov 30th, 2004, 5:15pm If I could SLAP anyone right now it would be the woman driving the silver micra that just pulled out on me on a roundabout without looking at all, forcing me to take extreme evasive action (thanks ABS). And then had the indignity to ignore me!! A large back hander!! >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( Waders |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by craig on Nov 30th, 2004, 5:31pm mr floppy a man after my own heart,i'll tell you this little gem (and no this is in no way political or anything like that)..... amanda had to drive to street the other day to go to tesco's,so as i had nothing better to do went along for the ride,when we got there,there was a disabled bay in the car park (and yes i am a blue badge holder),whilst trundling down to pull into the bay,a guy in a VW golf beat us to it,jumped out of the car,just as he was about to run into tesco's my wife pointed out his parking mistake,"i'm in a rush darling,i'll be 5 minutes,only want a packet of fags" >:( >:( >:( very pi**ed off at this point,so this is what i did,well with the help of my chauffeur ;),you know disabled bays are wide,we parked our car behind his,but at a point where our rear wing and back door were stopping him getting out,bollards at the front,scorpio up behind,onwards to tesco to do some shopping,approx 10 mins later our registration number was called out over the tannoy,we ignored this,about 50 minutes later,amanda took a walk outside,and to our horror,our car was clamped,over to customer services we went,and confessed our crime,we were told we had to pay a £35.00 release fee,with this the manager appeared,so we went outside to the scene of the crime,mr VW was giving it the big one,the manager then had a look at my car,ok he said,yes it is parked illegally,but was displaying a blue badge,he asked for an explanation and i told him what i thought,a quick call on the radio,and out came a "man mountain",about 6"6',and i would guess at about 20 stone,but not fat,the very nice man removed the clamp from my car,and was just about to walk away,when the manager told him to clamp the VW,....OMG he went ballistic,manager and the rest of us walked away,i paid for the shopping,and mr VW was last seen at customer service paying to have the clamped removed ;D ;D ;D ;D the best bit was we were told to move our car "as quickly as possible" ;) by the manager,needless to say,we took our time loading the boot,by now a small crowd had gathered to have the usual "look",and mr VW was getting more angry by the minute....... did we laugh....oh happy days..... bo basically this guy's 5 minute stop for a packet of fags,cost him over an hour and a half,and the thick end of £40.00........... :) :) be warned when parking in somerset,amanda wont take no s**t ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Paul B on Nov 30th, 2004, 6:36pm AND smoking is bad for you ;) |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Dave on Nov 30th, 2004, 6:41pm Ha! That's hilarious. Well done Craig and Amanda! Agreed Paul... it's his own fault! |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Lee on Dec 1st, 2004, 5:35pm cyclists that ride on the road when there is a cycle path and you have to follow them down the road because you can't get round them, and all you want to do is just tap there rear wheel and knock them out the way, but we never do just moan about them under our breath |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Dave on Dec 1st, 2004, 5:47pm That's what the 2.9 is for, Lee! Even if a high speed overtake gets nasty at least you'll be able to get away from the police. Did you know dogs have three eyelids? The third is called 'the third eyelid'. D |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by JohnJ on Dec 1st, 2004, 7:26pm Haha Brilliant..... Last year, I think I've told this one before, I was in the Rep Of Ireland visiting my parents, on the way home we always filled up with petrol because it was a lot cheaper than in the North of Ireland, I pulled in to the petrol pump, insidently they had two pumps for Euros and two for Sterling, so I went to the one for Sterling and it happend to be the first I came up to, Immediatly after a young whipper snapper and is Blonde bimbo smoking a fag stoped very aggresively behind me in a Evo reving like mad. He started shouting at me move to the next pump and that I was an ignorant old fart in a Scorpio. He said "did you not learn what the rear view mirror was for? with F&*K and every other curse word you can imagine. I ignored him and then he got out and came up to my face, I was going to give him a slap, now I'm only 31 and not an old fart. He got back into his car and revved like mad, selected reverse with an abundance of grinding from the gearbox , but failed to notice the poor Girl pulled in behind him to join the cue, he span the wheels and reversed straight into her. I shouthed out loud did no one teach you how to use the rear view mirror?!!!! ;D ;D He had to take out his wallet but I could see the girl shakeing her head and reaching for the mobile phone. HAhahhahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ;D JJ |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Paul B on Dec 1st, 2004, 7:30pm You have told that one before John. But it made me laugh both times. :D :D Well worth a 2nd showing :) |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by ron_c on Dec 6th, 2004, 8:14pm I am going to start this with a gentle dig at Ellie. I noticed that you consider it ok to drive at 35 down a road that has speed bumps to slow traffic down because people keep driving over the speed limit. If everone took 30MPH to meen 30 max and less if conditions are not perfect WE WOULDN'T HAVE THE BL00DY SPEED BUMPS IN THE FIRST PLACE! So two good slappings. One for the @rseholes who drive far too fast and make it necessary to have speed bumps. (Not you Ellie) Another for the authorities for not locking up the aforementioned @rseholes and taking the easy route of giving us speed bumps. Ron. |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Paul B on Dec 6th, 2004, 8:51pm I'd like to slap the people who make these speed humps and stuff the size they do. Went into a multi-storey car park in Canterbury at the weekend and on the down ramp they were some vicious ones. I was going slower than slow over them. Glad I was too because the exhaust still scraped on it. And before anyone says it, no there wasn't too much shopping in the boot. Just a bad design on the ramps. |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by PiercedEllie on Dec 6th, 2004, 9:07pm This particular road would probably be a national speed limit or at least a 40, but it is inhabited by some extremely posh folk with driveways they cannot turn their cars around in (despite them being enormous) so they need everyone else to be driving slowly so they can reverse out into moving traffic (see highway code), and so they can sit in the road waiting for their automated gates to function. Not that I feel the need to justify myself at all...... :P Ellie ;D |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by ron_c on Dec 6th, 2004, 10:11pm Ellie, Nor do you indeed. The problem probably arose becauase of those Who drive down there at 60 and not 35. You could argue in much the same wayabout the national 70 limit but the law is the law and if we want to continue to enjoy driving the best cars in the best country perhaps we should change laws by lobbying not disobedience and try to get the real loonies off the road. Incedentally, I believe that we retain the 70 limit as an after effect of reducing fuel consumption in the '70s and it is probable that we could reduce greenhouse gas emmissions from vehicles by 20% overnight if we all drove within the law and avoided unnecessary hard accelleration. It would only cost about 2 - 3% travelling time. What sort of world do we want to live in and what are we prepared to sacrifice to that end.? Ron. |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Paul B on Dec 7th, 2004, 6:49am Hmm, but can we still slap someone? ::) ;) |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Geoff_W on Dec 7th, 2004, 11:43am Only if you want to Paul 8) |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by gadgetmandb on Dec 7th, 2004, 2:36pm take away food store owners who get their leaflets shoved through your door....... ???My Ex-wife ( "Jacquey Bunn"although she did me a favour cos i am now married to a more than words can say great women :D) for shagging my best mate. ??? People who speed and talk on mobile phones outside schools. People who use mobile phones...... The Guy who invented Speed cameras and mobile hand detecters... People who spit........ Foriegn drivers who have never taken a driving test... My Daughter for hogging the PC last night............. Courier motor bike riders.......... Cyclists in central london..................... Pedestrians in central london who just walk into the road and expect you to know that they are going to do it and stop. :)I'll stop and take my medication now.......... :) |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by waders on Dec 7th, 2004, 3:30pm If I could slap anyone, at this moment it would be the young CHAV and his three mates, who after removing the front of my car (I recon they were doing 60-70 in a 30 >:(), decided to get uppity once the police were on the scene :o!! Probably a good thing as Mr Crook lock tends to get out the car in such situations :o. Also the off duty police man :P that was behind them (ALSO SPEEDING ::)) for not wanting to get involved as a witness even though he stopped them after they sped off, leaving me to try to prove said Chav's were speeding..........No chance!!!! Cynical, me, never!! Waders. P.s Repair cost £300, Excess £250, Do I make a claim ??? PPS. Repaird it myself, going to wait see if Chav trys to claim :-/. |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Paul B on Dec 7th, 2004, 6:15pm Was this the car they were driving? :D :D :D :D :D http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v465/PCBoulton/burberry_car.jpg |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by waders on Dec 7th, 2004, 8:27pm Well f*** me, it was a Metro, but in a lovely red. I'm sure one of them was wearing a hat that matched though :P 8) ;D 8) ;D 8) Waders. |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by nick on Dec 8th, 2004, 10:43am mmmmmm the prozac is starting to work, but i want to slap anyone who drives an huge 4x4, even more so if its a mother going to morrisons to get spoilt little timmy his chocolate milk. Then if she shouts at me for parking in a mother and baby space, now i notice most women with 4x4's and kids afe overweight, so should be made to walk further to get the weight off. If you are ever in this situation I have found ifyou shout at the top of your voice, "Oh thats right discriminate against me because I have a low sperm count, just because I cant father kids it makes me a second class citizen" I have tried this and it does work, and its sooooo funny. nic, not a father but still a nice guy. |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by waders on Dec 8th, 2004, 11:14am Just keep at it mate :o, sooner or later ::)................ And of course the practice is fun ;D................ 8) ;D 8) ;D 8) Waders. |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Mmonster on Dec 8th, 2004, 8:35pm ...!! .. Fellows.. one question! Quote:
When you are driving a Scorpio.. owning one.. Did you get..,? you know.. hmm.. .. .. Did you actualy.. with ladys.. well,,, get closer contact to them? Didn“t they run away with laught? ;D Just joking!! By the way: The car is so ugly, so i am looking better!! 8) I really want to slap these brainless drivers passing me and return to my lane right front of me, and spray all wet dust, dirt and snow over my car! Even there is kilometers of space to keep going before changing the lane. ROARRR Mmonster |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by waders on Dec 8th, 2004, 8:43pm Mmonster ;), You can't see the car from inside, you just have to find ladies that like leather ::) 8) ;D 8) ;D 8) Waders. |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Lee on Dec 9th, 2004, 4:54pm mmmmmmmmmmmmm leather |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by waders on Dec 9th, 2004, 5:01pm on 12/08/04 at 20:43:20, waders wrote:
Lee, I said LADIES. 8) ;D 8) ;D 8) Waders |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Dave on Dec 9th, 2004, 5:30pm No I have to say i'd rather have a leather chair over a lady right now. I mean.. er, it wouldn't serve the same purpose you understand. But all in all, ..... I shall stop here. Today I would like to slap the big nob end that scraped my Scorp : (. I was in the left lane entering a roundabout (the kings arms one, to those in the know), my wheel were right up against the curb as this stupid boy in a 52 reg silver Primera (you know who you are...) decided to pass me on the right.. he then decided to turn left into me as he entered the roundabout. Scrape! Sport mode engaged. Caught up with him. Got his plate. Then he bolted. Checked my front bumper and I think it'll polish out, so I left it. But OHHHH! You know? Ohhhhh! I'm not the best driver in the world. But i'm not bad, better than most out there, which is a sad reflection on today's society. Little boys in beat up fiestas etc. But right then, I was doing everything 100% right. I could report him but there's little point. SLAP! There. D |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Lee on Dec 9th, 2004, 7:08pm Sorry about that don't know what came over me ( wrong web site :-[ ) Lee waders is saying so i'll help don't forget about the herts meet near stevenage this sunday be there or be square ( did i really say that and i'm only 35 starting to sound like my dad ??? ) |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Mmonster on Dec 11th, 2004, 11:35pm Aaa... Leather.. Now i see.. ;D Have to try that!! Mmonster |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Vulcan on Dec 12th, 2004, 1:25pm on 12/09/04 at 17:30:44, Dave wrote:
You mean to say that a Primera got away from you?? tut tut I say... I can honestly say that if I put my mind to it NOTHING would get away from me in the Scorp with sport on and overdrive off ;D ;D ;D Only jesting mate.... ;) |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Dave on Dec 12th, 2004, 4:49pm Hey.. you're right, you're right : (. But I called off the chase after realising it would polish out. I shouldn't have. Ach : (. He should pay. Some people know the car and think they know where he parks, so I might be letting some tyres down at least. :D Today I spent a fair while washing the car. I really did a good job, and I was just polishing the wheels when a very large bird did this: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v467/missterdave/Hosting/ScorpioBird.jpg Most displeased was I. D |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Paul B on Dec 12th, 2004, 5:01pm on 12/12/04 at 16:49:44, Dave wrote:
As we can all see. I must say Dave, you're quite strange looking! ;) Letting down tyres though? Shame on you! Don't you realise that smearing dog s**t around the door handles is far more entertaining?! :D |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by waders on Dec 12th, 2004, 9:26pm Hi I now have visions of a Scorpio owner, skulking around in the dark with a valve tool, a bag of dog s**t, a bag of bird seed and a shot gun ::) Scorpio owners, nice people but don't p**s them off :P. 8) ;D 8) ;D 8) Waders |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by Dave on Dec 12th, 2004, 9:56pm Lol! Don't give me ideas! |
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Title: Re: If you coluld slap anyone now.............. Post by waders on Dec 12th, 2004, 10:38pm Now if I wanted to give you ideas :o, I would have asked if you wished to borrow my night vision goggles ::) Waders, |
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