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        General >> Off Topic Subjects >> Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
        
(Message started by: Nodge on Mar 24^th, 2005, 7:36pm)

Title: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by Nodge on Mar 24^th, 2005, 7:36pm

Just spotted this on a newsgroup. Too long to post here so follow the link.

HAYNES (http://www.uk-onlineshopping.co.uk/haynes.txt)

Here's an extract to give you a taster...

Haynes: Locate ...
Translation: This photo of a hex nut is the only clue we're giving you.

Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).

Haynes: Ease ...
Translation: Apply superhuman strength to ...

Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to
dig out the bayonet part and remaining glass shards.

Nodge

Title: Re: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by nitram on Mar 24^th, 2005, 11:03pm

LOL!! :D ;D :D

That is absolute class and so true!!

Title: Re: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by Dave on Mar 24^th, 2005, 11:08pm

Brilliant, Nodge! I have to agree. Reading a Haynes is a bit like decoding Welsh.

Fortunate, then, that there is no manual for our car! Had there been, we wouldn't have come together to amass such detailed knowledge!

Good.

D

Best bit
Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want to do!

Title: Re: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by SaveTheNight on Mar 24^th, 2005, 11:26pm

we still quote one now around the garage ..taken from a Haynes on the old Mk1 Cavalier timing wheel cover ..where "MECHANICAL DEFORMATION " was the method to set the distance between the retaining cover and a nylon insert located on the front timing wheel ... you bashed it with a hammer !! ..... STN

Title: Re: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by bazw on Mar 24^th, 2005, 11:40pm

on 03/24/05 at 23:26:33, SaveTheNight wrote:

timing the chain is wrong too they have you do the cam 180 deg out so when you set up for 1 you do 4
great fun as you try to get the fireing order right after that

Title: Re: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by craig on Mar 25^th, 2005, 8:05am

excellent.... ;D ;D ;D
i suppose we have all been there as well yeah !!
great find nodge,bit long,but enjoyed every one of them "classics" ;) ;)

Title: Re: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by daven on Mar 25^th, 2005, 8:20am

Very good - just a bit worried why you would have a catering size can of WD40!!!

Maybe you can fry fish with it too! ;D

Daven

Title: Re: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by craig on Mar 25^th, 2005, 8:49am

on 03/25/05 at 08:20:26, daven wrote:

Very good - just a bit worried why you would have a catering size can of WD40!!!

Maybe you can fry fish with it too! ;D

Daven

possibly bathing in it ??? ???
after all,it apparently eases tight nuts and all that.. ;) ;)

Title: Re: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by daven on Mar 25^th, 2005, 9:00am

LOL :D

Title: Re: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by ChrisB on Mar 28^th, 2005, 11:17pm

On the subject of Haynes manuals, I had the misfortune of buying one the other day.........what a pile of dog doo doo.
What has happened to them :o, OK so the last one I bought was some 10 or 12 yrs ago but at least it gave you an idea of what too do.
This lastest one seems to be more about the number of spanners needed to do the job, or is it your intelligence to use them ;D
The old ones use to be bad enough with the odd "please refer to main dealer for repair of this item" but at least it seemed limited to just the auto box, but this lastest one seems to be full of these phrases from the power steeering to the gearbox auto or manual even the fuel system was littered with these ???

Needless to say I returned it and got my 20 quid back ;D

What has happened to them ??? ???

ChrisB

Sorry moaning again ;)

Title: Re: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by craig on Mar 29^th, 2005, 8:58am

cant comment on the manuals,but i know where a lot of there profits have been spent as of late,and this is in no way a plug for them,but if anyone is interested,and is coming down to to WSM for the meet,and making a week-end of it,there motor museum based in sparkford in somerset is well worth a visit,they have some really nice motors out there,and admin,if you read this,they also have one of your favourites.....
a delorian of all things... :)

Title: Re: Haynes Manual - The Real Meanings
Post by ferretmobile on Mar 29^th, 2005, 2:43pm

uses for WD 40...when I lived in south africa some years ago,WD was great for the removal of snakes around central heating vents. No kidding. I also recall it used on a leopard that had taken a snooze at the back of a power house air vent...catering size tin of course ::)
But the best use of WD is as an after shave supplement
to cover up any incriminating perfume from the office party...LOL ;D
Ferret